


punk's not dead

by dykescore



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Autistic Leon, Catgender Ibuki, F/F, Gay Leon Kuwata, Genderpunk Leon, Homophobia, Identity Issues, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Minor Asahina Aoi/Ogami Sakura, Minor Fukawa Toko/Naegi Komaru, Minor Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, Minor Ishimaru Kiyotaka/Owada Mondo, Minor Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto, Nonbinary Gay Kazuichi, Nonbinary Lesbian Ibuki, Recreational Drug Use, Religious Conflict, Transphobia, Underage Drinking, Unrequited Crush, autistic kazuichi, autistic scene kid ibuki, murder is okay sometimes, petty crimes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-31
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26199748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dykescore/pseuds/dykescore
Summary: ibuki, kazuichi, and leon decide to start a band. what could go wrong?
Relationships: Kuwata Leon/Tanaka Gundham, Kuzuryu Fuyuhiko/Soda Kazuichi, Mioda Ibuki/Pekoyama Peko
Comments: 18
Kudos: 43





	1. family

> "yea, that's good and all, but we need a _name_."

kazuichi sat on the floor of the classroom, leaning against an empty chair. leon was right. that was the first of many things they'd need to figure out. 

> "let's just start spitballin' then," kazuichi put in, tapping his feet thoughtfully.
> 
> "are we followin' a theme or is it random?" asked ibuki from the opposite corner, dragging a guitar pick against her knee.
> 
> "i mean, it should be relevant to the music and to us.... i think," said leon, feet dangling off a desk.

there was a moment of silence as they thought to themselves.

> "let's do a moodboard! those are always fun." ibuki piped up, dashing over to her backpack to find something to write on. 

she tossed a notepad and a 64 pack of glitter jelly roll pens into the middle of the floor. kazuichi scooched forward, grabbing an orange pen and uncapping it with his teeth. leon twirled a shiny blue one in his left hand, and ibuki compared two pink ones in slightly different shades.

> "so... anything goes right? cuz' we can rule shit out as we go along."

no one disagreed, and the top three pages were quickly filled with cramped handwriting. leon flipped through the list, giving it a once over.

> "we've got some good material. are y'all partial to any one in particular?"
> 
> "nah, ibuki's cool with whatever," ibuki replied, stretching and yawning. "wait, how about i make some kandi for us? y'know, since we're a band and all!"
> 
> "that's cool!" said leon, nodding appreciatively.
> 
> "yea, that sounds great! my arm is still a little naked," kazuichi grinned, showing off the small bracelets he was already wearing.
> 
> "pog!!" said ibuki, grabbing the beads and elastic from nyans bag.

after about an hour of discussion, they had whittled down the list to about ten names.

> "solid list," kazuichi commented, peeking over leon's shoulder.
> 
> "you have a favorite?" leon asked them.
> 
> "they're all good, but P.L.U.R and genderfucked are definitely my top picks."
> 
> "i like the dregs, sounds like a classic punk band name. what about you, ibuki?"

ibuki shortened a bit of elastic with their teeth. 

> "hmm?" she said, head tilted.
> 
> "leon asked if you had any favorites," kazuichi repeated, scratching the back of their neck.
> 
> "oh, right! ibuki likes genderhoard, P.L.U.R, genderfucked, catpeople... well, i like all of them, but those especially."

kazuichi squinted at the scrap of paper, seemingly in deep thought.

> "would it sound better as genderfuck instead of genderfucked?"
> 
> "actually, yea, good call," said leon, watching as ibuki finished off her last kandi bracelet.
> 
> "ibuki likes it too! you're pretty good at this, kazuichi."

kazuichi pinked, grinning.

> "ahh, it's nothin,' i'm just good with details, i guess."
> 
> "funny way of saying you're autistic," ibuki teased, wiggling nyans eyebrows.
> 
> "HEY... it's true, but you don't have to say it," kazuichi pouted.

there was a comfortable silence as ibuki put the kandi bracelets on kazuichi and leon, admiring their handiwork.

> "so, are we genderfuck then? like officially?" asked ibuki, pulling the elastic taught on kazuichi's kandi.
> 
> "i think so. leon?"
> 
> "yea, guess so."

ibuki grinned, shaking her wrists in excitement. her kandi made a pleasant clicking noise. nya grabbed leon and kazuichi's arms, squeezing them into a group hug.

> "we're a family!" ibuki squealed.

kazuichi giggled, bumping their foreheads together. leon was more stiff, confused about what to do with his arms.

> "c'mon, leon, don't be a stranger," kazuichi said.

they seemed to have noticed his discomfort.

> "i dunno, i-"

kazuichi grabbed his arms and placed them lightly around his own waist. leon was bright red.

> "hug us, you coward," said ibuki, tone playful but eyes serious.
> 
> "agh, fine, fine," leon conceded, squeezing them back.
> 
> he wasn't ready to admit it aloud, but he was really glad to have a family that supported him like they did.

> "hellooooooooooooooo!" came a boisterous voice from the hallway door.

the bandmates broke apart, a little embarrassed that someone had intruded on their intimate team moment.

> "aww, y'all are so cute," akane cooed, clearly enjoying this. "but i'm not here to eavesdrop. kazuichi, fuyuhiko told me to tell you that he wants you to meet him in the courtyard. and ibuki, peko brought your lunch to the dojo since you forgot it again."
> 
> "i guess that's my cue," kazuichi said, grabbing his bag off the table and slinging it over his shoulder.
> 
> "mine too, i'm hungry," agreed ibuki, zipping up nyans backpack. nya turned to leon.
> 
> "thanks again for coming!"
> 
> "oh, yea, no problem. it was fun."
> 
> "hey, leon," kazuichi paused in the doorway.
> 
> "huh? what? what.... what's up?" leon spluttered.
> 
> "oh, i just wanted to thank you for going along with our crazy plan. we know we're probably not your first choice of bandmates, especially cause' we're a year older, but it's really nice of you to run with us on this!"
> 
> "NO, no, i.... you guys are cool. really. i mean... i'm surprised you guys even wanted _me_ to be in your band."
> 
> "are you kiddin'? your amibition for music is crazy cool, no way we couldn't ask you!" ibuki said, giving his arm a light punch.
> 
> "yea, we're lucky to have you!" kazuichi grinned. 
> 
> "okay, hurry it up, you can say your heartfelt thanks some other time," akane reminded them.
> 
> "right, right. well, see you later, leon!" 
> 
> "yea, catch you soon!" ibuki chirped.

they dashed out of the classroom before he could say anything else. guess that meant he should leave, too. he hadn't brought anything in, so he shoved his hands in his pockets and turned to the door. akane was still there, blocking the way of the threshold.

> "hey," she said, leaning on the doorframe. "you're class 78, right?"
> 
> "yea, what's it to you?" leon shot back, maybe more snappy than he'd intended.
> 
> "jeez, sorry, just asking. how'd you meet kazuichi and ibuki?"
> 
> "oh, ibuki was looking for someone to listen to her new song and give her some feedback, and she grabbed me when i was wandering around. i met kazuichi at the performance."
> 
> "ah, cool. makes sense you'd start a band, then."
> 
> "suppose so."
> 
> "you guys come up with a band name yet?"
> 
> "oh, yea, just decided on it. we're genderfuck."
> 
> "huh, it has a nice ring to it." akane mused.
> 
> "thanks."
> 
> "if you ever need someone to sit in and give you feedback, i'm usually not up to much."
> 
> "oh, sure, i'll think about it."
> 
> "nice! well, i'd better get goin,' but it was nice meeting you, leon."

akane thumped him casually on the shoulder before heading down the hallway toward the stairwell. she seemed... nice. admittedly, he wasn't so great with new people. ibuki and kazuichi were different, since they had music in common already.

it probably helped that they were autistic like he was. they seemed to "get" him, in a way. it was a nice change, since his encounters with most people seemed awkward and clumsy. he wondered if makoto was doing anything. again, not that he'd admit it aloud, but he was a nice guy to talk to. he peered out the window overlooking the courtyard. kazuichi was sitting by a tree with their boyfriend, fuyuhiko, was it? they seemed in good spirits.

leon looked away, suddenly feeling ashamed. he'd mostly gotten over his crush on kazuichi, but it popped up on occasion. and when it did, it was a pain in the ass. he wasn't jealous of that fuyuhiko guy or anything. he wasn't very friendly, but he seemed to care a lot about kazuichi (and he was cute, but that was beside the point). kazuichi and ibuki were some of the only people he'd come out to, and they'd been supportive of everything he'd done since they'd met. he wasn't used to it. being encouraged to do what he liked was pretty new to him. it was nice, of course, but he wasn't sure what to do with it. he supposed that was probably obvious.

someone bumped his shoulder as they passed him in the hallway, dropping a pile of papers.

> "hey, watch where you're going!" leon snapped, shooting the offender a cutting look.
> 
> "tch, do not use such foul curses so freely, mortal," mumbled the stranger, reshuffling the papers into a messy stack. 

he straightened up, squinting at leon accusingly as he clutched the papers to his chest. he walked away briskly, oblivious to the little... hamster (?) that emerged from the folds of his scarf.

leon rolled his eyes.

> "what a weirdo."


	2. homemade

> "do you know that girl?"

ibuki's voice pulled leon away from his phone. he looked where nya was pointing. sure enough, there was a girl walking past them, typing something on her phone. 

> "oh, yea, her brother's in my class. i've seen her around a couple times."
> 
> "oh?"

the girl looked up and grinned as someone walked into the courtyard. she dashed over and hugged toko tightly.

> "k-komaru, i saw you yesterday."
> 
> "i know, i just always love to see you."

toko was blushing a bright red.

> "of course she's dating someone," ibuki mumbled under their breath, blowing a lock of blue hair out of their face. 

leon watched as the two girls strolled out of the courtyard, komaru leading toko by the hand. leon looked over at ibuki quizzically.

> "i thought you and peko-"
> 
> "what? peko? pfft, she's not... she doesn't... do relationships, i think," ibuki said flatly, not meeting his gaze.
> 
> "that's bullshit. she spends more time with you than anyone."

ibuki scowled as she rested her cheek on her arms, pouting.

> "sooooo..." leon began.
> 
> "..."
> 
> "is kazuichi in today?"
> 
> "mmn? oh, no, he said he's not feelin' well."
> 
> "oh."
> 
> "..."

nya didn't seem like nya was in a talking mood.

> "look, i know your pride is bruised, or whatever, but do you know kazuichi's address?"

they shot him a weird look.

> "...why?"
> 
> "don't look at me like that! i just wanted to bring them some soup or something."
> 
> "soup? where you gonna get that?" ibuki asked, hanging upside down off the edge of the bench.

they made a good point. he hadn't even brought lunch today.

> "i'll go home and throw somethin' together, i dunno. i'll figure it out."
> 
> "you're skippin'?"
> 
> "yea. got a problem?" his voice was steely.
> 
> "jeez, you're so uptight. i'll come with you," she said, pushing herself upright and hopping to her feet.
> 
> "wait... really?"
> 
> "sure! it's not like i'll fail class or anything."

he wasn't expecting company, but he supposed it wouldn't hurt. besides, he didn't know if he'd be able to make soup on his own.

> "alright. we can take my car," said leon, patting his pocket to make sure his keys were there.
> 
> "you better be driving, cause' i lost my license four months ago..."
> 
> "figures. cmon,' let's get going."

* * *

> he probably should've felt self-conscious about bringing a friend to his apartment. the building was two stories of concrete, with thin fissures crawling up the sides. the windows sit funny in their frames, and you had to practically kick the front door open to get in. ibuki didn't seem phased, though.

leon lived on the second floor, but the elevator was broken, so they took the stairs.

> "hey, ibuki?" he said, fishing the keys out of his pocket.
> 
> "hmm?"
> 
> "i don't think my dad's home, but just in case, tell him you're my girlfriend if he asks. and he won't ask, but _please_ don't say anything about the band."
> 
> "oh. okay, got it."

he was glad nya didn't ask any questions about it, but nya'd probably understood why. 

he unlocked the door and opened it with some effort, as it tended to get stuck in the frame. 

> "pops?" he called through the little apartment.

no response.

he let out a breath of relief. 

> "coast's clear, you can be as gay as you like," he told ibuki, stooping to untie his shoes.
> 
> "poggers!"

ibuki kicked her shoes off, peering around not unlike a cat would.

> "is this your room?"

ibuki hovered near a door with a thick poster tacked up.

> "that obvious?"
> 
> "i don't think your dad is the type to like mommy long legs," they said, gesturing to the poster.
> 
> "you'd be right about that."
> 
> "is it okay if i go in?'
> 
> "yea, sure, go ahead."

the door creaked slightly as she pushed it open.

> "whoa, this is so cool!"

she spun in an excited circle as she look around. plastered all across the walls were posters, pamphlets, cards, and flyers in all possible colors. in contrast, potted plants were placed expertly on almost every flat surface.

> "didn't know you were into plants," said ibuki, leaning down to examine a lush pothos.
> 
> "that was actually my back-up plan if the whole music career didn't work out."
> 
> "what? plants?"
> 
> "botany, to be specific. i dunno, i just like em.' i know they don't have a consciousness or anything, but.. ah, forget it. it's nerd stuff."

ibuki dashed over, grabbing leon's hands and linking their fingers together.

> "hey, i wanna hear about what you like. please, tell me all about it!"

nyans enthusiasm was pretty infectious.

they sat on the edge of leon's bed as he talked. well, leon sat, ibuki was fully on her back, kicking her legs in the air as he talked.

> "i feel like plants pick up on really subtle shit that we miss. they're connected to energy fields we can't even tap into because our fuckin' brains are so full of shit that doesn't even matter. we may technically be 'smarter' because we can understand more information, but what's the point if all we're learning is bull anyway?"
> 
> "that's pretty observant. maybe you're right about all of that, but i think there's something to be said for even thinking about this kinda stuff."
> 
> "what do you mean?"
> 
> "i mean that, yea, a lot of what we're meant to learn doesn't actually mean anything, and what it really means to be intelligent is subjective. _but_ , i don't think stupid people think about what it means to be intelligent or have a consciousness. so, you're a pretty smart guy, leon."
> 
> "ahh, c'mon, knowing a little about philosophy doesn't make me smart or anything."
> 
> "uh-huh, then how'd you get into hope's peak? they don't scout idiots."
> 
> "sure they do, if they've got some ultimate talent in addition to being an idiot. hell, the only reason they wanted me is because i'm an ace at baseball."
> 
> "you know average people aren't as good at baseball as you are, right?"
> 
> "what's that got to do with anything? just because i'm good at pitching or batting doesn't mean i have critical thinking. i know plenty of meatheads who can swing a bat. it's not enough to have talent, to be smart, you have to think for yourself."

ibuki punched him lightly in the arm, smirking.

> "stupid, you obviously think for yourself. if you didn't, you would've kept doing baseball, right?"
> 
> "i guess."
> 
> "oh, don't be such a pissbaby. beneath that tough-guy facade, you're an intellectually and emotionally intelligent person who loves plants and music and things that are bigger than you. you're a good person, leon."

leon wouldn't meet their eyes.

> "wait... are you... crying?"
> 
> "OH, WOW, LOOK AT THE TIME! BETTER GET THAT SOUP STARTED FOR KAZUICHI, EH?"

he cleared his throat, slipping out to head to the kitchen, presumably. ibuki tailed after him, rolling nyans eyes. 

he was squinting at the contents of the mostly-empty fridge when ibuki walked in. he was craning his neck as if more food would show up if he tried hard enough.

> "....so, what kind of soup are we making?" they asked, leaning against the counter.

leon shut the fridge door with a sigh, looking at his shoes sheepishly.

> "i, uh, thought you might have some ideas?"
> 
> "tsk, tsk, tsk, you'd make a terrible housewife. lucky for you, i brought some stuff."

she dumped her bag onto the counter, plucking out several large tupperware containers.

> "could you fill a pot with some water? i can do the actual cooking part, you just hand me the stuff."
> 
> "sounds like a plan."

leon would come to learn that ibuki was a really good cook. though the kitchen itself was small, and most of the cooking tools had been swiped from the safeway clearance section, the produce was fresh, and ibuki worked fast. she would name an item, and leon would hand it to her. it was kind of like a surgeon and their assistant on a soap opera.

> "mushrooms."
> 
> "got it."
> 
> "ginger."
> 
> "here."
> 
> "chives."
> 
> "ch- wait, one second- here."

working alongside ibuki was kind of therapeutic, honestly. leon couldn't remember the last time he'd actually cooked with someone, let alone enjoyed himself this much. after about half an hour, the apartment was filled with the smell of soup. leon dipped the ladle into the pot while ibuki washed the cutting boards, attempting to be sneaky.

> "ah!"

ibuki smacked his hand away.

> "HEY, what was that for?"
> 
> "PAWS OFF. this soup is for our poor ill kazuichi, remember?"
> 
> "yea, yea, but do i at least get to try it?"
> 
> "hmmmmm....."
> 
> "please?"
> 
> "oh, fine. don't take too much, though."
> 
> "i got it, don't worry."

ibuki emptied most of the pot's contents into a round container, leaving a meager portion for leon.

> "hey, what's the big idea?"
> 
> "hey, i'm the one who did all the cooking, you should consider yourself grateful."
> 
> "yea, whatever."

leon pouted, but eagerly poured the remaining soup into a bowl for later. 

> "you're such a big baby," ibuki muttered.

leon was about to retort when there came the telltale clicking sound of the lock. the apartment door opened with a slight creak. leon's father had apparently come home from work already. 

> "i'm home- hey, that smells nice. i can't think of the last time you've cooked..."

> "hey, pops. just makin' some soup for a sick friend."

his father looked suspicious, hanging up his shoulder bag near the door. he was a thin man, wiry and nervous-looking. his hairline had receded as far as it could possibly go, and there was a single small mole above his right eyebrow. it puckered slightly as he furrowed his brows.

> "you didn't tell me about any friend..."
> 
> "well, he's sick, so-"
> 
> "no, i meant this young lady," he said, gesturing to ibuki. "you've never mentioned her."
> 
> "oh."

leon could feel the sweat beading on the back of his neck.

> "um, this is my-"
> 
> "mioda ibuki, pleased to meet you!"

ibuki bowed politely, grinning. 

> "well, it's a pleasure to meet you, too! you know, my son never talks about his friends, i worry he gets lonely-"
> 
> "DAD..."
> 
> "well, no need to worry! leon has a close group of friends, they don't let him brood alone all the time."
> 
> "hey, i _do not_ brood..."
> 
> "pff, _sure_ you don't," ibuki retorted, winking cheekily at leon's father. 

leon blushed. that was uncalled for and unnecessary.

> "...anyway, ibuki and i better head over and drop this off, don't wanna keep our friend waiting."
> 
> "oh, of course! but, miss ibuki, do come again! i can't remember the last time this apartment smelled this good."
> 
> "it was my pleasure, mr. kuwata! i'll stop by again sometime!"
> 
> "oh, that would be wonderful. until then!"

ibuki dipped her head politely, putting the full container of soup and the empty produce containers into her bag before slipping on her shoes. leon cast a forlorn look at his bowl of soup, but followed suit, tripping more than once as he struggled to get his shoes on.

> "be back soon, pops," leon promised, letting ibuki walk out first.
> 
> "leon?"
> 
> "hm?" leon mumbled, looking back at his father.
> 
> "so, is this ibuki girl, like... a _close_ friend of yours?"
> 
> " _be back soon, pops_."
> 
> "hey, wait!"

leon shut the door before his father could question him further. 

> "everything okay?" ibuki asked, tilting their head.
> 
> "yea, it's fine, let's get going."
> 
> "okay!" nya replied, starting down the stairs. 

leon checked his phone. it was only five thirty, so hopefully kazuichi was still awake. worst case scenario, they'd leave the soup on his doorstep and it would get cold.

there were definitely worse things.

* * *

> "you sure they're still awake?" asked leon, starting to doubt his earlier assumption.
> 
> "yea, they texted me like ten minutes ago, i'm sure they're conscious."
> 
> "oh. cool."
> 
> "mhm."
> 
> "..."
> 
> "..."
> 
> "can you go ring the doorbell?"
> 
> "huh? why can't you do it?"
> 
> "you're the one who has the soup!"
> 
> "it was your idea!"
> 
> "but-"
> 
> "go deliver the soup, you man-baby."
> 
> " _GOD_ , fine, you sound like my dad."
> 
> "that better be a compliment."

leon bit back a retort, taking the container from ibuki's hand. it was no big deal, he just had to ring the doorbell and say "hi, i'm kazuichi's friend. i heard he was sick, so i wanted to bring some homemade soup to make him feel better. have a nice day!" that was all.

simple enough, right?"

leon rang the doorbell, surpressing the urge to stim with his jacket's zipper. there was silence for a couple of beats. he wondered if he should try the doorbell again when the door swung open.

a man that must've been kazuichi's father stood in the doorway. tall with broad shoulders and an unfriendly gaze, he was... scary, to say the least.

leon must've been standing there too long, because the man curled his lip in a scowl.

> "um! i'm... a friend of kazuichi's... um.. my other friend told me he was sick, so... i brought soup."

god, he sounded pathetic. his hand was trembling as he held out the container. 

kazuichi's father gave him a once over, grabbing the container from him and shutting the door without a word.

leon felt like he might throw up. he knew kazuichi had a weird family dynamic, but holy shit. his hands in his pockets, he headed down the steps back to the car where ibuki was waiting.

a sharp knock on the window drew his attention. ibuki was pointing back at the house. 

> "what?" leon said aloud, confused.

she pointed emphatically behind leon. he turned.

in the left-most window was kazuichi, waving and grinning. he had taped a small note to the window.

leon smiled, waving back and giving kazuichi two enthusiastic thumbs-up. 

he was smiling when he got back in the car, and ibuki must have noticed, because they hugged him tightly and gave him a peck on the cheek.

> "hey, hey, what's all this?"
> 
> "i'm proud of you, dummy."
> 
> "huh? for what?"
> 
> "for facing your fears!"

leon pinked.

> "who said i was afraid?"
> 
> "dude, i am. i would be too, kazuichi's dad is one scary motherfucker. that's why i didn't wanna ring the doorbell myself."
> 
> "WHAT? you _used_ me?"
> 
> "and it worked like a charm."
> 
> "ughhhhhhh."
> 
> "hey, look at the bright side, kazuichi's happy, and you get to have some kickass soup when you get home."
> 
> "don't distract me, i'm pouting."
> 
> "ah, so there's that brooding i mentioned earlier."
> 
> "HEY."

he scowled, but it was only playful. ibuki had this way of bringing out the fun in people, even and especially if they didn't want them to. it was... different. but nice. definitely nice. she was a good person. hell, she was so good-natured she'd almost convinced leon that _he_ was a good person, too. almost. 


	3. bond

> "hey, is ibuki comin,?"

kazuichi's bag was slung over his shoulder, smiling good-naturedly at leon. 

> "nah, she's sick. she just texted me this."

he angled his phone so kazuichi could see. 

> "fuck, i'm patient zero, huh? poor ibuki, i'll have to make her some soup to make up for it," said kazuichi sheepishly.
> 
> "oi, give ibuki some credit! nya's done plenty to ruin nyans immune system at this point."
> 
> "you make a good point... i can't remember the last time i've seen nya drink water..."
> 
> "yea.."

there was a pause.

> "wanna skip?" kazuichi asked.
> 
> "huh? i mean, sure, but what for?"
> 
> "eh, fuyuhiko's dealing with some... family stuff, and ibuki's not here, so there goes all my fun. even gundham's not around, he's workin' on some genetic study about hamsters," kazuichi pouted.
> 
> "gundham?"
> 
> "oh, yea, sorry. he's in my year. about your height, black and white hair, dresses like a gay-coded villain."
> 
> "i think i've seen him around. he's the guy with the hamsters, right?" leon remembered bumping into him in the hallway.
> 
> "that's the one. he's a weirdo, but he's a good egg. always has my back when it counts."
> 
> "he sounds... sweet."
> 
> "yea, when he's not speaking like he's from a fantasy novel. i'll have to go bug him later. anyway, what do you wanna do?"
> 
> "hm?"
> 
> "your call, we can do whatever."

leon tapped his foot, thinking.

> "got it. come on, i'll drive."

he didn't realize he was walking quickly until kazuichi was struggling to keep up.

> "hey, where are we even going?"
> 
> "it's a surprise! an adventure, if you will."
> 
> "god, you sound like gundham."
> 
> "is that a compliment?" leon asked, raising a brow.

kazuichi scrunched their nose, nudging him with their elbow.

> "i'm not sure yet."

* * *

> "we're really in the middle of nowhere. what even is this place?"
> 
> "it's the batting cages where i used to practice," said leon, expression blank as he looked over at the nets.
> 
> "whoa, really? you gonna show me what you got?"
> 
> "pfft, fat chance. i just like to come here to have some quiet. besides, they're always closed on tuesdays."
> 
> "sure, but how do we get in?"
> 
> "i ripped a place in the net on the far side, i'll show you."

kazuichi followed him around the back of the cage, where, sure enough, there was a hole in the net big enough to fit through. they slipped through, alone in some field in a batting cage. leon breathed out a relaxed sigh. it felt good to be here.

> "so," said kazuichi, sitting cross-legged on the pavement. 
> 
> "so..." leon replied, sitting across from them. 

kazuichi grinned at him, unable to keep a straight face. leon couldn't help but laugh, the sound getting stuck halfway in his throat.

> "god, this is awkward, isn't it?" said leon, turning away so kazuichi wouldn't see him blush.
> 
> "no, no, it's fine, i promise. it's usually like this when you start bonding with someone."
> 
> "bonding?" leon suddenly felt hot under the collar.
> 
> "no, dummy, not in a gay way. wait. i mean, we're both gay, so, like, yea, in a gay way, but you know what i mean!"
> 
> "yea, i get you. i dunno, i'm not really... i don't... i'm not good at bonding. or friends in general."
> 
> "that makes two of us," said kazuichi, pulling a plastic-wrapped lollipop out of his bag. 

he ripped off the plastic, popping it in his mouth before continuing.

> "i was bullied basically my whole childhood. the only way i knew how to make friends was to share what i liked with them."
> 
> "isn't that how you make friends?" said leon.
> 
> "you'd think so, right? but, nah, not when you're autistic, i guess. you suddenly become 'too much' for everyone."
> 
> "i know the feeling," leon said, lips pulled thin.
> 
> "hey, we don't have to talk about this if it brings up bad memories. we can talk about anything you want," kazuichi said, placing a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

leon was hyperaware of their hand on him, trying not to look at their surprisingly well-kept nails or the single black band on their middle finger.

> "it's okay, i think it helps me to... y'know, talk about it. especially with someone who understands."
> 
> "right," said kazuichi, taking his hand away and folding his arms underneath his head as he laid back.
> 
> "so, i guess i'll start at the beginning. i got diagnosed when i was about eight, i think. insurance covered the testing, but it took a while to get through the paperwork. my dad didn't really understand, and would never help me or comfort me when i was overstimulated or struggling with something. he thought it was something i had to deal with on my own to 'learn to be a man,' or some bullshit like that."

kazuichi snorted.

> "sounds like my dad," he said flatly, moving the lollipop around in his mouth.
> 
> "right, i didn't want to ask unless it was, like, a sore subject, but... were you okay the other day? like, your dad didn't... get mad at you, right?"

kazuichi sat up, cracking their neck.

> "nah. i mean, yea, he was mad, but he's always mad. he didn't hit me, or anything. just shoved the soup in my hands and left."
> 
> "ah. he didn't seem to like me very much when i knocked on the door."
> 
> "don't take it personally, he doesn't like anyone."

kazuichi's tone was playful, but his eyes were serious. 

> "if you ever, i dunno, need some time away from home, my door's always open."
> 
> "thank you, leon," said kazuichi gratefully. "anyway, enough about me, let's talk about you."
> 
> "oh, okay. well, my dad didn't know how to help me, and i had a hard time making friends because they'd ignore me or say something mean and i'd lash out. it wasn't my fault, but i always had to deal with bein' alone and not knowing how to deal with my anger. so, my dad tried to father-son bond in the only way he knew how-"
> 
> "lemme guess, he wanted you to play baseball?"
> 
> "yea, actually. i didn't like it that much, but he never seemed prouder of me than when i was up to bat, so i kept at it. i got good, like, really good, and by then it was too late to back out. i used to cry in the dugout and try to run off the field because i hated it so much, but my coach always caught me and brought me back."

kazuichi was listening intently, expressive as always. leon wasn't used to it, really, but it felt nice to really be listened to. 

> "so, yea, that's pretty much the genesis of my so-called 'ultimate talent,' i guess. all because i wanted to make my dad proud."
> 
> "hey, he _is_ proud of you, i'm sure of it."

leon looked away.

> "he wouldn't be if he really knew who i was. he's, like, religious. anti-trans, anti-gay, anti-expression, pretty much. he wouldn't talk to me for weeks after i dyed my hair and started listening to riotgrrl. he's fine now, i guess, but only because i've gotten good at hiding who i really am."
> 
> "it's like you're telling my life story," kazuichi replied, sucking the last bit off candy off the paper stick before throwing it behind him.
> 
> "yea," said leon, not knowing how to reply.
> 
> "is this the portion of the show where i tell my traumatic past?" kazuichi joked.
> 
> "you don't have to," leon assured them.
> 
> "no, it's alright. what did you say earlier? something about it helping to talk with someone who understands?"

leon smiled.

> "yea, somethin' like that."
> 
> "well, i got badly bullied by the other kids when i was little, as i mentioned. i would overshare about what i liked and they would say i was annoying or get bored and go talk to someone else. i had a lot of meltdowns and i'd go nonverbal most of the time. when it was at school, the teachers would usually just sit me in an empty room with a stuffed animal and some apple slices cause' they had no idea what to do with me. if it was at home.. "

kazuichi gripped the back of their neck, biting their lip.

> "hey, really, if it hurts to talk about, we don't have to. i promise."

kazuichi looked over at him, as if asking for confirmation.

> "you sure?"
> 
> "yes, of course, of course."

kazuichi visibly relaxed, moving his hands away from his neck. 

> "thank you."
> 
> "please, don't thank me. i just wanna make sure you're comfortable."

kazuichi smiled, leaning back onto the pavement with his eyes closed in comfort. leon thought for a moment, eyeing the pitching machine at the front of the cage that shot baseballs.

> "hey, kazuichi?"
> 
> "hmm?"
> 
> "do you mind moving behind that machine, there? past that part of the net?"
> 
> "uh, sure."

kazuichi grabbed their bag, setting up where leon asked, visible through the mesh of the net. leon headed over past the machine, picking up a bat and a helmet.

> "no fuckin' way,' kazuichi said, grinning wide.
> 
> "what?" leon asked, though he was smiling too.
> 
> "i, little ol' souda kazuichi, get a private viewing of the ultimate baseball star's batting practice?"
> 
> "ultimate _punk star's_ batting practice," leon corrected jokingly. 
> 
> "yea, yea. enough talk, show me what you've got!"

leon switched on the pitching machine, walking over to stand in front of it. it rumbled slightly as the baseballs rolled into place.

> "just letting you know," he called to kazuichi. "these are gonna come at me at 60 kilometers per hour."
> 
> "what?! i know you're, like, really good at this shit, but is that safe?"
> 
> "i got it, promise!"

leon got into batting position, exhaling as the machine started up. the baseballs made a _thoonk_ sound as they came out of the barrel of the machine, which was all-too familiar to him. the first one made a soft _thud_ as he hit it with the bat, sending it flying straight into the net near kazuichi's head.

kazuichi yelped, ducking away from it. 

> "HOLY SHIT?" kazuichi shouted, eyes wide and mouth agape in awe.

leon blushed. he could practically feel his ego getting bigger. 

he hit the oncoming baseballs away with ease and precision. fastballs, curveballs, he didn't miss one. he didn't realize he'd been gritting his teeth until the cycle had finished, and he was breathing hard. it had been so long since he'd done that.

> "THAT WAS FUCKING SICK!" kazuichi shouted, jumping up and down and cheering.

leon gave a weak smile, leaning on his bat for support. admittedly, he was pretty out of practice. kazuichi slipped through the net, jogging over.

> "that was amazing! i mean, i knew you were really good at this, but WOW."
> 
> "thanks, man. i'm kinda rusty, but-"
> 
> "bullshit, that was fucking cool! can i watch you do another set?"
> 
> "maybe another time, my head's kinda spinning.."
> 
> "oh, absolutely not, come sit."

kazuichi grabbed his arm, pulling him over to the side of the net for him to sit down. he slid to the pavement, the bat falling from his grip with a slight clatter. 

> "hey, you okay?" kazuichi asked, tilting his head.
> 
> "yea, yea, just... need a minute."
> 
> "right, right."
> 
> "you thirsty? i think i saw a water fountain at the entrance."
> 
> "yea, that'd be nice."

kazuichi grabbed an empty water bottle from his bag, heading over to where the water fountain supposedly was. leon exhaled deeply, resting his head against the net. even though he wasn't in the best shape, it had felt... good to be up to bat again. it was especially nice to have someone supportive just watching him instead of judging him. 

> "hey!" kazuichi called, coming through the net. "hope you don't mind drinking from a water bottle i used."
> 
> "nah, it's fine, give it here."

leon took it gratefully, taking a long gulp from it. it wasn't cold, closer to lukewarm than anything, but he appreciated it nonetheless. kazuichi sat beside him, spinning the handle of the bat on the ground. 

> "thanks, kaz. wait, is it okay if i call you that?"
> 
> "yea, i love nicknames," kazuichi laughed, taking the water bottle from leon's outstretched hand.

kazuichi seemed to have a buzz around him. it was contagious in the same way ibuki's positive aura was.

> "glad you're in a good mood," leon commented.
> 
> "heh, me too. it's nice to feel, y'know, joy."
> 
> "yea, definitely."
> 
> "oh, i forgot," said kazuichi reaching into his bag and pulling out a second lollipop.

> "i forgot to ask if you wanted one earlier. fair warning, it's an edible."
> 
> "oh, cool. how much?"
> 
> "three tablespoons of THC extract. i grow it myself."
> 
> "whoa, really? i, uh, actually really like plants, so i think that's sick as fuck."
> 
> "hehe, thanks, just... don't tell my dad, yea?"

kazuichi handed it to him, their fingers brushing slightly around the plastic. he took off the plastic and popped it in his mouth. watermelon flavor. he could _just_ taste the weed. 

> "has it kicked in for you yet?" asked leon around the lollipop.
> 
> "oh, for sure," kazuichi replied with a wink, leaning back on their hands.
> 
> "oh, so _that's_ why you're in such a good mood," leon smirked.
> 
> "partly, but it's also fun to sit and talk with you and watch you practice."
> 
> "thanks," he replied.

kazuichi was right, it was fun. he'd never enjoyed practice like he had today. probably because there wasn't the pressure of having to perform that he'd experienced before. 

they talked for a while, and leon felt the edible kick in after about half an hour. he felt bubbly, almost weightless. he'd had weed before, of course, but he suspected kazuichi took extra care of his plants. it warmed his heart for several reasons. kazuichi was arguably just as bright and giggly, his smiles reaching up to his eyes.

> "-i didn't mean to set it on fire, i didn't know it would happen!" kazuichi insisted, wagging his finger.
> 
> " _sure_ ," leon said sarcastically, laughing so hard it made his stomach hurt.
> 
> "c'mon, you believe me, right?"
> 
> "...maybe?" leon said, his voice rising in pitch.
> 
> "fuckin' liar!" kazuichi retorted, untying his shoe.
> 
> "what the fuck, dude?"
> 
> "deserved," kazuichi said, crossing their arms and turning up their nose. 

the illusion of being perturbed didn't last, though, because they started up a laughing fit upon meeting leon's eyes. leon wiped a tear from his eye, shaking his head and rubbing his face with his palms.

> "god, we're so dumb."
> 
> "hey, watch yourself, or i'll untie your other shoe."
> 
> "fine, fine, but it's kinda crazy how alike we are."
> 
> "true. both immensely traumatized delinquents who can't dress or act like normal people."
> 
> "we're disappointments to our fathers." leon continued.
> 
> "we're both gay!"
> 
> "we're both trans!"
> 
> "we both don't know what the fuck we're doing!"

they couldn't stop laughing, writing on the concrete in fits. 

> "i ca.. can't breathe," said leon, clawing at his throat for air.

kazuichi took a deep breath, leaning back against the net. leon lay across from him, arms spread wide. 

> "thanks for inviting me out here," said kazuichi, having regained their breath.
> 
> "thank _you_ for suggesting we skip. i had a lot of fun, hell, i can't remember the last time i had this much fun."
> 
> "you deserve to get high and enjoy yourself all the time, it's freeing."
> 
> "maybe you're right. i'm just... not really used to doing things for fun."

kazuichi frowned.

> "i'm sorry. i know what you mean, but you should really start doing shit that you want to just because. you understand yourself a lot better when you do things for yourself instead of for other people."

leon sat up, picking at his nails.

> "yea, you're right. it's just hard because i'm used to doing things a certain way, and like, treating myself isn't really up there."
> 
> "what do you call this?" said kazuichi, gesturing at the batting cages. "why'd you skip?"
> 
> "eh, that was more to spend time with you than anything."
> 
> "really?"
> 
> "yea. i don't normally skip for fun, contrary to popular belief. i do it because i don't feel like i can focus at school or deal with other people's expectations of me. it just feels like too much. i try not to do it _too_ often, though, or else my dad lectures me."
> 
> "well, i think you should," kazuichi said matter-of-factly.
> 
> "should what?"
> 
> "skip for fun. feels good."
> 
> "i dunno.."
> 
> "c'mon, it's not as hard as it seems, scout's honor."
> 
> "you were never a scout..."
> 
> "yea, you got me there, but i'm bein' serious. it's fun to do things for you just because it feels good and makes you happy."
> 
> "i guess..."
> 
> "hey," kazuichi said seriously.

leon looked over at him.

> "you're worth that. doing things just because they make you happy, i mean. it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of you or what you do, you deserve that much."

leon could feel hot tears prickling at his eyes. kazuichi must've noticed, because, without warning, they scooted over and folded him into a hug. leon was less awkward this time, putting his hands around kazuichi's back and resting his head on their shoulder. they smelled like pine and sweat and weed.

they sat there for a couple minutes, just hugging. it... it felt so nice.

kazuichi was the first to pull away, flashing a smile at leon.

he looked so pretty. it was kind of infuriating. leon's heart was beating so fast, and his head felt light from the THC.

he wasn't sure he was thinking clearly, if he was at all. he leaned in close to kazuichi's face, his eyes fluttering closed-

> "whoa, what... what are you doing?"

leon's eyes shot open. kazuichi's gaze was confused.

> "i was.. i..."

kazuichi shook his head, standing up and turning away from leon.

> "wait, fuck, i'm sorry, i misread the situation," leon scrambled, realizing his mistake.

he stood up to be on the same level as kazuichi, trying to meet their eyes. they wouldn't look at him.

> "kazuichi, i'm so sorry, i wasn't thinking. god, that was really stupid, fuck, i'm so sorry."
> 
> "leon, i like you. you're my bandmate and my friend. i don't... have feelings for you beyond that. under different circumstances, i probably would, but i don't. i guess i should've been more clear about that."

maybe it was from the weed, or the embarrasment, but his mind fixated on "under different circumstances." he tried to focus.

> "no, that was my fault. it's... it's not an excuse, but i think i may have, like, gotten attached to you because you're the only other gay male-aligned person i know."

kazuichi scoffed, not unkindly.

> "really? what about mondo and kiyotaka?"
> 
> "huh? they're not gay."
> 
> "are you kidding? never in my life have i seen two fruiter individuals."
> 
> "i... guess that makes sense. i didn't realize..."
> 
> "yea, well. i can understand what you mean."

they didn't seem angry at him, which was somehow even more upsetting.

> "i'm just so sorry."
> 
> "it's okay," kazuichi replied.
> 
> "um... do you want me to take you home?"
> 
> "could you drive me to school?"
> 
> "yea, yea, of course."
> 
> "let's go, then."

he slung his bag over his shoulder, slipping through the hole in the net. he watched as he skirted the batting cages and headed up the hill to leon's car. leon felt hot with shame and rage and feelings he couldn't name. he picked up the wooden bat he'd used earlier and smashed it against the concrete, shattering it into splinters. 

he dropped the broken handle, shoving his hands in his pockets and heading back toward the car. 

the car ride back to hope's peak was silent. kazuichi looked out the window blankly, chin resting on their hand. leon's knuckles were white around the steering wheel. he wanted to say something, anything, but the words wouldn't come. it was a little past lunch when they arrived at hope's peak. kazuichi opened the door without a word.

> "hey, kazuichi?" leon said, managing to get the words out of his throat.

kazuichi looked over his shoulder.

> "thank you.. for today. i had fun."

kazuichi gave a small smile and a nod, before turning and heading into the building. 

leon considered going to class, but thought better of it. kazuichi's words from earlier stuck with him. he put the car in reverse and headed home.

it started to rain on the way back, which was perfect, considering his driver's-side wiper was broken. he prayed he wouldn't crash into something by accident the whole way home. somehow, he made it in one piece, leaving wet shoe prints on the stairs as he headed up to his apartment.

it was dark when he unlocked the door, dim light coming in from outside. he didn't bother to turn any lights on, kicking off his shoes and heading to his room.

he peeled off his wet jacket, tossing it on the floor before laying back on his bed. he thought about misting his plants, but didn't feel like it. his phone buzzed, and he tapped the screen to check it, squinting against the brightness. oh, it was ibuki. he thought about ignoring it, but, then again, they were sick, and he'd feel bad not texting them back. he typed out a reply with one hand. she texted back quickly, as usual. 

> leon tossed his phone to the other side of the bed, burying his face in his pillow. the high hadn't worn off yet, which was a strange feeling. he still felt floaty and light, but now he was sad and angry. it's like he was in a void, and it made his stomach turn. he didn't realize he'd started to cry until a knock on his door woke him from a brief sleep, his pillow wet with tears.

> "leon?" came his father's voice, slightly muffled.
> 
> "i don't feel good, pops," leon replied, voice raspy.
> 
> "oh, are you hungry? i can heat up some-"
> 
> " _no_ , i just wanna sleep."
> 
> "right. well. rest up... i'm here if you need me."
> 
> "no, you're not," leon muttered under his breath, his father's footfalls fading.

he didn't know what he was feeling. he was ashamed and angry at himself, for making kazuichi feel weird and for not being able to understand something so obvious. he'd never met fuyuhiko officially, and he honestly didn't like him all that much, but he meant a lot to kazuichi, and the reverse was definitely true. once again, he'd made the wrong call, and ended up hurting for it. he felt like an idiot, but most of all, he felt like a bad friend. that was what sat heaviest in his stomach. 

he wondered if he was overthinking it. but he couldn't decide if that was really true. it didn't matter, he was tired, and he could almost feel the soreness he'd wake up to the next day. 

he fell asleep with a lump of something in his throat.


	4. talk your shit

leon had barely slept, and had left his apartment when it was still dark out.

he drove around for a while, trying to take streets he hadn't been before. he stopped down one dead end-road to look in the windows of an antiques shop. there was a tapestry of a red flower with spindly red stalks hanging in the window. it looked a bit faded from time, but still retained an elegant look. the little bell at the top of the door drew leon's attention. a boy with long hair stepped out onto the sidewalk, propping the door open with a brick.

from the looks of it, he worked there, as he wore a little green apron and a tag with his name on it. it was too far away to read what it said, though. the boy's smile widened as he stooped down out of view, reappearing with a little cat in his arms. it was all-black, with short fur and warm brown eyes. the boy noticed leon looking from the window.

> "you can come pet her, if you like," he said.

his voice was kind of out of place, as if it were better suited to some period piece than contemporary life.

leon stepped out of the car, crouching down in the street and making _pspsps_ noises. the cat wriggled out of the boy's arms, happily trotting over to where leon was. she was very friendly, rubbing her sweet little face across leon's knees and hands. he scratched her neck around her collar, a red silk rope that sat snugly but not too tight. a green bauble hung from it. it looked like jade, but then again, jade was far too precious to be attached to the collar of a shop cat, right?

> "what's her name?" leon asked the shop boy, rubbing the cat's forehead with his thumb.
> 
> "kicho," he replied, looking at her fondly. 
> 
> "she seems very happy. you're good to her," leon said, smiling.
> 
> "i'd surely hope so, animals are deserving of kindness. as are human beings."
> 
> "definitely."

the cat, kicho, looked back at the boy, and seemed to decide she was done playing with leon. she pattered back to him, rubbing against his legs before slipping back inside the shop. the boy looked back inside, as if noticing something. he disappeared inside for a moment, before coming back with a brown paper bag. a customer from inside took it from him, dipping their head thankfully before turning the other way. the boy gave leon a wink before returning inside the shop.

as the person turned, leon could see the white streaks at the top of their head...

he stood up.

> "hey, gundham?"

gundham turned, noticing him.

> "you're friends with.. kazuichi, right? he told me about you."
> 
> "hmph, i suppose you could call him an ally in my cause. what is it you want?"

weird response, but okay.

> "uh.. i'm heading to school. do you want a ride?"

gundham looked down the street, as if deciding whether to accept his offer.

> "that would be appreciated. you have my thanks."

leon got in the driver's side, reaching over to open the passenger door. gundham paused before coming in, as if he was waiting for an invitation. leon put the car in reverse, looking over his shoulder as he pulled onto a two-way street.

> "ahem," gundham cleared his throat. "i wanted to offer you an apology for my rudeness a few weeks ago. it was... crass... of me."
> 
> "you mean in the hallway? oh, don't worry about it."

there was silence, save for the rumbling of the road beneath the wheels of the car.

> "so... your hamsters not with you today?"
> 
> "ah, no. i'm... surprised that you noticed."
> 
> "i mean, they've been with you every time i've seen you in passing."
> 
> "as my loyal companions, the four dark devas go where i go. except for today."
> 
> "what's today?"
> 
> "oh, right. i go to that shop on thursdays, and the shop cat is always overly-interested in them."
> 
> "ah, kicho. she's cute."

gundham raised an impressed eyebrow.

> "you met her?"
> 
> "mhmm, she was really sweet."
> 
> "most curious, she rarely takes well to strangers..."
> 
> "really? she seemed to like me."

gundham looked as if he wanted to say something, but didn't.

> "you seem to know her pretty well," leon commented, eyes on the road.
> 
> "i've gained her trust after countless hours. it was difficult, but my efforts prevailed. yet... it seems as if she grew accustomed to you without your having put in any effort," gundham replied, his words undercut with a hint of bitterness.
> 
> "oh, yea, i guess so. i think animals just like me, but i'm not really sure why."
> 
> "you are like them," gundham said confidently.
> 
> "whaddya mean?"
> 
> "your exterior is unfriendly as to protect that open heart you keep concealed. animals are the same in that regard. so, they see you as one of their own."

leon almost stalled out, feeling exposed. who was this guy, anyway.

> "so," leon said, clearing his throat. "you must spend a lot of time in that shop if you go there every week."
> 
> "why, of course. it contains countless relics of power and unknown origin. i assist the shopkeep's son in the cleaning and care of these objects. as a reward, on thursdays, i am permitted to select one to keep, free of charge."

he sounded pleased. leon wondered what this week's item was, taking note of the paper bag. he thought better of asking it aloud, though. by that time, leon had pulled up to the school. he tapped the steering wheel absentmindedly, unsure of what to say.

> "ahem, you have my thanks for your kind act," said gundham, meeting his eyes briefly.
> 
> "oh, it's no problem. i, uh... i had kind of a weird first impression of you, but you seem like a nice guy."

gundham blushed, pulling his scarf high over his face as if trying to hide it.

> "i did not ask your name, how foolish of me," he said, changing the subject.
> 
> "oh, i'm leon. kuwata leon."

leon offered his hand out for gundham to shake. gundham considered it for a moment, like he had before getting in the car. he shook it after a moment's pause, the bandages over his arm rubbing against leon's fingers. he got out of the car, closing the door gingerly.

> "see you, around, gundham," said leon, giving him a little wave.

he nodded politely, turning to head into the school. looking past him, leon noticed ibuki sitting in their normal meeting spot. leon turned the car off, pocketing his keys.

> "hey, 'buki!" he called.

ibuki looked up at the sound of nyans name, grinning and waving excitedly. leon dashed over, giving nya a hug.

> "good to see you in high spirits, dummy," said ibuki.
> 
> "yea, yea," he replied, rolling his eyes theatrically.
> 
> "is kazuichi good? is he even comin' today? i would text him, but my phone just died," ibuki said sadly, looking at her phone's cracked black screen. 
> 
> "we have got to get you some new hardware."
> 
> "you got cash?" ibuki asked, raising a brow.
> 
> "obviously not, but you know i've got fast hands," leon smirked.
> 
> "well, can you use those fast hands to text kazuichi for me? i'm so sick of waiting already."

leon thought about saying no, but then he would've had to explain why and there was NO WAY he was doing that. he pulled out his phone, typing out a message. on second thought, several messages. just to be safe. 

> "sorry, ibuki, i don't think they're coming," said leon.
> 
> "uhh, then who's that?"

leon looked over, and, sure enough, kazuichi was walking toward them, hands in their pockets.

> "hey, kazu!" ibuki called, bounding toward him.
> 
> "hey, ibuki," he replied, in a noticeably mellower tone than usual.
> 
> "you knucklehead, i've missed you bunches! now cmon,' let's get to class."

ibuki grabbed his arm, but he stayed put.

> "ahh, you go on ahead, i wanted to talk to leon for a bit."
> 
> "ohh, _i see_ ," said ibuki dramatically. "you guys can have some deep conversation or whatever, I'M gonna go find peko and tell her about my webkinz."

she flipped her hair and headed inside, presumably to talk to peko about webkinz.

> "kazuichi-" 
> 
> "no, uh-uh, i get to talk first," said kazuichi firmly.
> 
> "oh. okay."
> 
> "let's go to the courtyard. i don't wanna stand and loiter in front of the door like this."

kazuichi set off for the courtyard, and leon followed awkwardly after him. kazuichi sat down on a bench first, not waiting for leon to settle in before talking.

> "i've told you a good bit about me, but there are parts you still have no idea about."

leon nodded to show he was listening.

> "fuyuhiko's a part of me you don't know about. there are things about him i won't tell you for reasons i can't really say. but i'll tell you this much.
> 
> he's the only person i've ever felt i can expose myself to. like, bear it all. it sounds stupid and cliché, but i don't know how to say it in a way that doesn't sound that way. it's like... on the surface, we're opposites. in the beginning, we fought a lot because of that. i didn't really want to know anything about him, i didn't care. but, for all the hoops he jumps through to hide who he is, i'm incidentally really good at reading people. i pick up on things other people wouldn't. the subtle stuff. when you see through the cracks in his armor, we're surprisingly similar. like, so much it's scary. it scared him at first, but it scared me more. he seems like an asshole on the surface because he kind of is one. but not because he likes or wants to be mean to people. to be honest, he's very fragile and scared. the difference between us is that i don't hide it. everyone either thinks i'm a coward or just obnoxious."
> 
> "i don't think of you that way," leon said softly.

kazuichi scoffed.

> "well, you're an exception. my point is, even if i'm not able to talk about everything that's happened to me to make me this way, i've stopped trying to keep it from people. because they find out anyway, and it hurts me too much to put so much time and energy into something so fucking useless. the things i can't be honest about are things my brain has hidden away from me. believe me, i've tried to find them, but something's stopping me. hiko's- fuyuhiko's the same way. my brain hides the most painful reactions and memories so i won't hurt myself, and his brain hides the most fragile parts of himself so no one else can hurt him but himself. we're parallel opposites, i guess. i get how it could seem like he's mean or cold, but he's not. i know that better than anyone."

kazuichi walked over to sit next to leon, continuing without looking at him.

> "i like you a lot. you remind me of fuyuhiko in some ways, actually. i didn't and i don't want to be weird around you. but i can't deny that what you did hurt me and confused me."

leon played with his jacket's zipper, screwing his eyes shut tight.

> "i'm hurt and damaged in a lot of ways, but i'm not an idiot, contrary to popular belief. i know who i am, for the most part, and i know who fuyuhiko is. i'm not the cheating type, because i value my partners more than most people."

ouch.

> "i don't value them higher than my friends, though."

leon opened his eyes. he focused on kazuichi's knee instead of looking them in the face.

"my friends and my partners are equally important to me. they're different, of course, but they are irreplaceable in my mind. i'm not going to put one over the other. that's why i felt really weird about you trying to kiss me the other day. but, i was thinking about it, and i realize i should've been more clear. we're both autistic, after all, and i know damn well to be clear about what i mean. so, this is me trying to be clear. i think i've grown close to you over these past few months faster than anyone else, besides ibuki. you're a lot like me, so i understand, i think. i really care about you, and i want to be friends and get closer to you. and... i need you to treat fuyuhiko respectfully, because he's a part of me i'm not willing to compromise. ever."

kazuichi exhaled.

> "that's all i wanted to say, i'm sorry to drag you out here-"

leon hugged him tightly, silent tears rolling down his cheeks. kazuichi hugged him back, and he could feel him smiling.

> "i didn't mean to ever overstep, but i know i did, and i'm so sorry. that's completely my fault, and i promise to ask you before i make assumptions or do something stupid like that," leon mumbled into kazuichi's shoulder.

kazuichi pulled away, ruffling his hair.

> "you're a good egg, kuwata."
> 
> "i dunno about that- ow!"

kazuichi smirked as he flicked him in the forehead.

> "none of that shit. you're good. now, let's get a move on or ibuki will kill us."
> 
> "if she can take her attention away from peko for more than two minutes, maybe," leon countered.

kazuichi snorted.

> "right. but, let's go anyway, i haven't introduced you to my class yet."
> 
> "wait. just checking, you're not upset anymore, are you?"
> 
> "hmm? nah, don't worry."
> 
> "then, why did you ignore my texts?"
> 
> "oh, shit, sorry. my phone died and i didn't have enough time to charge it."
> 
> "oh. nevermind, then. let's go."

leon dashed ahead of him, feeling like a weight had been lifted off his chest. it was kind of like being high, but he still felt grounded, like he had full control.

not the worst possible bump in the road for a teen band, anyway.


	5. nerves

> "are you sure this is... like, the best idea?"

leon was zipping and unzipping his jacket outside the classroom, shifting uneasily on his feet.

> "aww, c'mon, it'll be okay, i promise," kazuichi assured him. "they're all super nice. well, mostly. but, they'll like you. besides, we're rarely all together in one room, but it's your lucky day! we're voting for class rep, so we're all required to be here."
> 
> "ahh, right."

leon's class was voting for class rep, too, but taka would be the obvious choice. morally sound, good natured, and apparently gay, the role was practically made for him. leon would be voting for him, anyway.

> "i'm opening the door, no chickening out, now." kazuichi warned, reaching for the handle.
> 
> "oh, god."
> 
> "hey, guys!" kazuichi announced, grinning.

if it weren't for kazuichi's hand on his back, leon would've run out.

> "who's this sid vicious wannabe?" said hiyoko, twirling a pencil.
> 
> "please don't compare me to _that guy,"_ leon mumbled, blushing.
> 
> "hiyoko, be fucking nice, he's my bandmate! everyone, this is leon, our frontman!"

there was a chorus of good-natured _hellos_ , and one especially high-spirited greeting from ibuki in the back.

> "leon, meet everyone!" kazuichi said, pointing to each person and naming them in turn.
> 
> "nekomaru, the ultimate team manager."

he laughed uproariously in response to something akane said.

> "you've met akane before, but she's the ultimate gymnast."

akane caught his gaze and waved, grinning widely.

> "the girl who insulted you is hiyoko, the ultimate traditional dancer. she's less of a mean person once you get to know her."

hyoko flipped kazuichi off.

> "or not. anyway, next to her is mahiru. the ultimate photographer. they're practically soulmates."

mahiru tickled hiyoko under the chin, and hiyoko batted her hand away, blushing.

> "you know peko already, ultimate swordswoman, she's with ibuki in the back."

sure enough, she was smiling slightly as ibuki scrunched up their nose. cute.

> "that's nagito in the back, with the crazy hair. he's the ultimate lucky student. the boy on his lap is hajime. he's from the reserve course, but he likes to tag along with nagito. he is his boyfriend, after all."

nagito _did_ seem pretty infatuated with him, staring up at him longingly as he talked animatedly about something leon couldn't make out.

> "over there's mikan, the ultimate nurse. she's talking with imposter. they're... the ultimate imposter. they can disguise themself as anyone."

mikan was tutting over a cut on imposter's arm, who was waving her off to no avail.

> "that's chiaki, the ultimate gamer. she was last year's class rep."

chiaki was clicking away at her nintendo switch, brows furrowed in concentration. leon could think of someone he knew who she might get along with.

> "sonia is by the window with gundham, she's the ultimate princess."

sonia was holding one of gundham's hamsters, laughing as it nuzzled her cheek.

> "gundham's the ultimate breeder, of course."

gundham caught leon's eye, blushing and looking away.

> "and, of course, there's fuyuhiko, the ultimate yakuza."

kazuichi cleared his throat, pinking.

> "that's everyone!" kazuichi announced. "sorry to have to kick you out so soon, but i think we have to cast our votes soon."
> 
> "no problem. my class is probably doing the same. thanks for introducing me to everyone."
> 
> "ahh, it's nothin,' now get to class, delinquent."

leon rolled his eyes. who were they to call HIM a delinquent? regardless, he waved goodbye, and stepped out into the hallway to head to class. someone grabbed his arm before he could get far, though.

> "leeeeoooon!" ibuki said excitedly.
> 
> "hey, what's up?"
> 
> "do you wanna catch a bite to eat with me and kaz after school? i know a place."
> 
> "sure, i'd love that."
> 
> "pog! okay, sorry to bother, see you then!"

she dashed back into the classroom, pulling the door closed with a gentle _thump._

leon felt a flutter of fondness as he headed down to his homeroom class. his classmates were talking animatedly as he came in, seemingly excited about voting for class rep.

> "kuwata, you're here! that makes everyone, and right on time, too!"

he tapped his watch happily.

> "alright, settle down!" said taka, waving his arms for quiet. "you all know the drill, i, your unbiased mediator, will pass out sheets with a list of everyone's names. circle the name of the person you'd like to vote for, and wait until i come to collect them. i'll tally the votes and then announce class rep. starting... now!"

leon plopped himself into a seat as soon as taka started passing out the sheets. his desk was right next to mondo, who shot him a smile and a nod.

> "hey, mondo?" leon said quietly.
> 
> "hmm? why're ya so quiet? it's not like anyone's gonna hear us."

he made a good point. despite kiyotaka's efforts, the room was full of chatter.

> "i'm... i just don't want people hearing, okay?"

mondo scooted his chair closer, noting leon's tone.

> "what's up?  
> "um.."

leon cracked his fingers nervously.

> "i mean... it's not like it's gonna be a surprise or anything, but..."

he took a deep breath.

> "i'm gay. and, i don't really have a gender either. you can still call me guy and he and stuff, but i don't really _feel_ like a guy... or a girl. i dunno. the point is, i'm gay, and i don't care about gender... and stuff. so-"

mondo reached over and pulled him into a tight hug. 

> "proud of you, big man," he mumbled into leon's hair.
> 
> "you.... you are?" leon said as mondo pulled away.
> 
> "course.' i mean, i knew you weren't a square, or anything," he said jokingly. "but i wasn't gonna try to label you or anything. it means a lot that you told me. thanks."
> 
> "thank you, mondo. i woulda' told you and taka earlier, but, and call me dumb for this, i didn't know y'all were gay."

mondo laughed, smacking his desk.

> "you're joking, right?"
> 
> "wish i was," leon replied sheepishly.
> 
> "god, that's fuckin' gold. you ever thought about doin' comedy when you're not making music?"
> 
> "absolutely not," leon waved him off.
> 
> "hey, quiet, you two," taka warned as he handed them the sheets, winking at mondo.

the room got quiet, the silence interrupted only by the sound of pencils on paper. kiyotaka collected the papers without a word, dropping a wrapped candy onto mondo's desk. he happily unwrapped it and popped it in his mouth.

> "isn't that technically showing favoritism?" leon asked.
> 
> "who cares? i like bein' babied," mondo replied.

he paused.

> "if you tell anything i said that, though, i'll kill you."
> 
> "noted."

kiyotaka cleared his throat, gesturing for quiet.

> "it would appear that there's a nearly even split between the votes for the two most popular candidates. my vote, however, has tipped the scales."

taka grabbed a piece of purple fabric off the desk.

> "our resident ultimate fashionista, enoshima junko, has made a sash for the new class representative."

junko gave a thumbs up from her seat.

> "i'm honored to announce that this year's class representative is..."

leon already knew it would be taka, so he wasn't expecting much.

> "kuwata leon!"

leon froze. wait... huh?

everyone was cheering and clapping him on the back. he didn't understand. even as he walked over so taka could put the sash over him.

> "are you sure there hasn't been some sort of mistake?" leon asked.
> 
> "i assure you, everything is in order. congratulations," taka replied, straightening the fabric across leon's shoulder.
> 
> "then... why did so many people vote for me? hell, why did _you_ vote for me?"
> 
> '"i certainly can't speak on behalf of everyone else, but i've noticed your newfound dedication to your band. i can't remember seeing you so interested in something before. i assume that's what the others noticed, also."

taka smiled as he shook his hand, pride glowing in his gaze.

leon was overwhelmed with the positive attention. chihiro came over quietly, surprising him with a hug.

> "wha?'
> 
> "i'm really proud of you, leon! you've been working really hard, you deserve this."

leon felt tears well up in his eyes. he squeezed her back, pinching her cheek fondly.

> "thanks."

she smiled, dashing away to chat with mondo and taka. they looked like a family standing all together like that.

> "hey," said sayaka, tapping him on the shoulder.
> 
> "oh, hi."
> 
> "i wanted to tell you congratulations. i've seen how much music means to you, and, as a fellow musician, that's very close to my heart. i'm excited to hear you guys perform!"
> 
> "ah, thanks, but are you sure it's your kind of music?"
> 
> " _all_ music is my kind of music," she assured him.
> 
> "thank you. that really means a lot."

the rest of the school day flew by quickly, all the while leon was still wearing the class rep sash. it was actually pretty well-made, not that he'd expected anything less from junko. he flagged down taka, chihiro, and mondo, which wasn't hard.

> "would you guys wanna come out to eat with me and the band? i'm sure they wouldn't mind."
> 
> "but, wouldn't we be imposing?" chihiro asked, worried.
> 
> "no, not at all! i love the band, but you guys are my friends, and i'm sorry i haven't been spending much time with y'all lately."
> 
> "don't sweat it, big man. but i'd love to come and grill these bandmates of yours."
> 
> "please don't do that," leon replied.
> 
> "hmm, i suppose i can work this into my schedule. what time will we be leaving?" asked taka.
> 
> "uh, i dunno, like, ten minutes from now?"

taka thought for a moment.

> "that should work. c'mon, let's go meet up with the others."

* * *

as leon had guessed, kazuichi and ibuki said his class friends were welcome. the six of them squeezed into a booth at a diner ibuki picked out, arguing over who was going to pay.

> "can we just order? we can figure out payment stuff later," kazuichi pleaded, eves roving over the menu.
> 
> "i suggest ice cream sundaes all around!" announced ibuki, gesturing with a spoon.
> 
> "dessert before a meal?!" taka said, looking scandalized.
> 
> "c'mon, taka, you can break the rules _sometimes_ , right?"
> 
> "hmph. i'll be getting a salad, you lawless individuals can do whatever you'd like."

leon suspected mondo would give him some of his sundae, anyway. the rest of them ordered ice cream as ibuki suggested, splitting and sharing as they saw fit. 

> "so, what's y'alls' deal?" mondo asked, gesturing to ibuki and kazuichi.
> 
> "whaddya mean?" asked ibuki, tilting nyans head.
> 
> "like, are y'all punks like the big man over here, or?"

(leon was obviously the big man.)

> "i'm scene, kaz is an ecopunk. i would call leon a crustpunk, but he actually showers," ibuki replied.
> 
> "leon, have you ever introduced them to celestia?" asked chihiro, chewing a maraschino cherry.
> 
> "i haven't, but they might hit it off, good idea."

he turned to kazuichi and ibuki, explaining who celestia was.

> "she sounds so cool," ibuki said. "i've been interested in lolita fashion for so long, maybe she can tell me a little bit about it!"

leon peeked over at kiyotaka, who was stealing a spoonful of mondo's sundae.

> "eh, taka, how's your salad?" leon smirked.

taka blushed, dropping the spoon. 

> "splendid," he said, clearing his throat and jabbing at a limp piece of lettuce.

they all laughed, and ibuki pushed their half-finished sundae over to him.

> "what's a little rule-bending among friends?" they said cheekily.

kiyotaka looked around frantically.

> "this is peer pressure," he muttered before tucking into the ice cream.

leon felt that warm, fuzzy feeling in his chest again. this was what having friends was like, he realized. his cheeks hurt from smiling so much. but... he supposed there were much worse things. 


	6. if you were me

> "okay, so what vibe do we want it to be?" asked leon.

the three of them were in ibuki's bedroom brainstorming. they'd been playing around with some riffs and different beats, but now was time to get down to serious matters.

kazuichi's drumset was at the school, so he had to settle for hitting his drumsticks against ibuki's headboard. leon and ibuki had their guitars, and ibuki was at the ready to take notes with a pad of paper and pen in hand.

> "you ever heard cute thing by carseat headrest? i really like the feel of that," kazuichi mused.
> 
> "ibuki's thinking about lyrical content," ibuki said. "we want our first song to really send a message, but what message?"
> 
> "i feel like it should really be expressive of who we are and what we believe in," leon offered. "so, i think it should be about exterminating white supremacy. all the things that hurt people are connected to it, it's the root of evil."
> 
> "well-said," kazuichi replied.
> 
> "absolutely," ibuki said.
> 
> "and, just to drive home that we're a bunch of trans gay vagrants, we need a mother mother verbatim vibe."
> 
> "god, if we weren't both so fruity i'd be sexually attracted to you right now," said ibuki dramatically. 
> 
> "ah, sorry guys," said kazuichi, glancing at his phone. "i've gotta get home, my dad made me promise to clean the bathroom."
> 
> "we can walk you home, your place isn't far," said leon.
> 
> "yea, you're like five minutes. it's no trouble," ibuki responded, setting her bass on her bed.
> 
> "thanks, guys," kazuichi said, putting his drumsticks in his jumpsuit's pocket.

ibuki locked the front door behind them, swinging their keys around their fingers as they set off down the stairs.

> "so, you guys are open to me screaming in songs, right?" asked ibuki.
> 
> "wait, you can scream?!" kazuichi asked, surprised.
> 
> "ugh, duh. it's like breathing for me."
> 
> "you're so cool, ibuki," leon remarked.
> 
> "oh, shuddup, or i'll give you a wet willie."
> 
> "NO, NO, please... don't.... do that."

ibuki laughed, sticking out nyan tongue at leon. leon wasn't looking at nya, though. he was looking at the sky, where faint plumes of smoke were furling up into the evening.

> "guys, look," he said.

there was a pause as they all watched.

> "kazuichi, isn't that near your house?" ibuki said, voice undercut with seriousness.
> 
> "oh... oh god."

they ran as fast as they possibly could. good thing kazuichi and ibuki lived so close, because leon's chest was heaving. he needed to get back in the game. when they came onto kazuichi's street, their fears were confirmed.

clear as day, kazuichi's childhood home was already up in flames.

they stood still, unable to move.

> "mom," kazuichi said, barely a whisper. 

he rushed up to the front door, which was already in pieces. he slammed against it with his forearms unsuccessfully. he tried standing back and kicking it, which worked after a few tries. he disappeared inside without a moment's hesitation. looking around, ibuki followed suit. leon hesitated, however, wondering how clever it was for _all_ of them to rush into the flames. but, he caved, and ran in after them.

the air inside hang heavy and thick with acrid smoke, so much so he could barely see. he made out the shape of ibuki supporting a woman who must have been kazuichi's mother. he made sure they made it outside, stealing a gasp of fresh air as he stood in the doorway. he could hear faint sirens in the distance. he looked back into the house. no sign of kazuichi. his stomach felt heavy, but he went back in. 

he didn't like thinking about dying more than he needed to. but the thought seemed ever-present as he squinted through the smoke, trying to make out kazuichi's outline. 

> "kazuichi?!" he called, regretting opening his mouth as he choked and coughed.

he peered into rooms engulfed with flame, desperation rising frantically in his throat. after what seemed like eternity, he finally made out kazuichi's hazy silhouette, standing shock-still. he grabbed kazuichi's arm, clung to it more than anything. 

> "come on!" he said urgently, the words feeling like glass as he spoke them aloud.

but kazuichi wouldn't move. his eyes were fixated on something. leon looked over his shoulder. he could barely make out a struggling form in the room beyond them, trying and failing to free their leg from a broken desk. kazuichi's father. he reached out with a shaking hand.

> "help me..." he croaked, the fabric of his sleeve scorched and burned in places.

leon gripped their arm tighter. the smoke was getting thicker, and he started feeling dizzy.

> "kazuichi," leon said, his voice much smaller than before. 

kazuichi glanced at him briefly before looking back at his unfortunate father. his gaze seemed to shift. 

his eyes narrowed, and his lips quirked unnaturally. he turned slowly, letting leon lead him away, though he never took his gaze from his father.

even as a flaming rafter crumpled and fell to the floor too close to where he had stood mere moments ago, his gaze was fixed on that room awash with flame.

as soon as they were outside, leon let go of kazuichi's arm and turned back on unsteady legs, unsure of what to do. the sounds of sirens were much closer, and he could see the lights. he felt... unstable. he stumbled down the stairs, tottering accross the lawn to where kazuichi was crumpled to the ground. 

> "kaz.... ar.....are.......awake?"

his words were getting jumbled up. kazuichi stirred slightly, bleary-eyed.

> "my.... dad..." kazuichi mumbled.

leon barely registered a firetruck pulling up and drenching the house. kazuichi's father was definitely dead already, and he wasn't sure how he felt about that. he felt ibuki's hand on his arm.

> "can you walk?" she asked, and her voice seemed so far away.

he must've nodded, because she supported his weight and lead him over to sit and lean against the tire of a waiting ambulance. when had an ambulance gotten there?

> "kazuichi.." he slurred as unfamiliar hands strapped an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

kazuichi still lay on the patchy grass, a mask of similar design placed over their face. their eyes were open, if not unfocused. leon could feel his head clearing a little bit, and noticed a small crowd gathered at the edge of the sidewalk. 

> "hey," he said to ibuki, voice raspy, and muffled by the mask.
> 
> "you're okay!" nya said, eyes teary with relief.
> 
> "do you know kazuichi's phone password?"
> 
> "huh? yea... why?"
> 
> "i need to call someone. tell them what happened."

ibuki nodded, standing upright and heading over to where kazuichi was. she said something to one of the EMTS, who carefully took kazuichi's phone from their pocket and handed it to her. she dashed over to leon, typing in the password and handing it to him.

> "i'm gonna sit with kazuichi until he comes to. you gonna be okay?"
> 
> "yea. go ahead."

leon thumbed clumsily through kazuichi's contact list. what would kazuichi have fuyuhiko listed as? his name? "boyfriend"? he finally found it under "hiko," calling it without a second thought.

> "hey, kaz, what's up?" came fuyuhiko's voice from the other line, sounding happy to see kazuichi calling.

leon felt bad to disappoint him.

> "it's leon. um-"
> 
> "leon? why do you have kazuichi's phone? and... are you okay? your voice is all..."
> 
> "that's why i'm callin...' something... something bad happened. do you have kazuichi's address?"

there was silence on the other line, and muffled sounds of movement.

> "hello? you there-"
> 
> "on my way," fuyuhiko replied, voice cold.

the line cut, and leon's hand dropped to his side. as his head got clearer, he registered the flares of pain from his hands. there were bandages covering what he assumed were burns. he stood up, slipping the mask from his face. it smelled like burning rubber, probably because it was. from the looks of it, they'd put out the fire, and left a smoldering heap in its wake. 

> "you're up, good. here, drink this," said an EMT, handing him a cup of water.

leon accepted it gratefully, draining it in one gulp. kazuichi was sitting up, an identical cup sitting empty on the ground next to him. leon went over, sitting across from them on the scrub grass.

> "hey," said leon.
> 
> "hi," said kazuichi.
> 
> "how you feelin'?" leon asked gently.
> 
> "better... i think. my lungs hurt."
> 
> "yea, no kidding. it was stupid brave of you to rush in there like that."
> 
> "i could say the same for you, you followed me in."
> 
> "good thing i did," leon said seriously. "i was worried i'd have to drag you out myself."

kazuichi didn't reply, picking at the grass absentmindedly.

> "so... your mom seems to be doing okay."

kazuichi looked over. sure enough, kazuichi's mom was talking animatedly to an EMT, describing the fire from the looks of her hand motions. she looked relatively unharmed, though there were black soot marks along her cheek and neck.

> "yea."

leon didn't want to be the one to address the elephant in the room. 

> "KAZUICHI!"

they both turned. a black car had pulled up at the edge of the street, fuyuhiko standing in the open door. his face was split with emotion. 

he ran toward them, almost tripping on the curb. he slid onto the grass, staining his dress pants, though leon didn't think he cared much about them in that moment.

he crushed kazuichi into a hug, sobbing against his shoulder.

> "hiko," kazuichi spoke, just loud enough for leon to hear.

fuyuhiko pulled away, tears streaming freely down his face.

> "are you hurt- ah, your arms!"

kazuichi's arms were covered from shoulder to wrist with bandages.

> "it's surface stuff, it should heal."
> 
> "doesn't fucking matter, you got hurt! and i couldn't do a damn thing about it..."
> 
> "you couldn't have known. i dunno how you even figured out what happened."
> 
> "leon called me. said something bad happened."

fuyuhiko met his eyes.

> "thank you," fuyuhiko said, meaning it.

fuyuhiko held onto kazuichi, as if he'd fall apart if he let go.

ibuki came over, not questioning fuyuhiko's presence.

> "hey, kazuichi, they're putting you and your mom up in a hotel for a while. they wanted me to tell you," said ibuki.
> 
> "oh. when do we leave?"
> 
> "whenever you're ready. EMTs said they'd come back in a couple weeks to take a look at your arms, but you should be good beyond that."
> 
> "we'll take my car," fuyuhiko spoke, in a voice not allowing any questions. 
> 
> "i'll go with kazuichi's mom in the ambulance, she's pretty weak on her feet."
> 
> "ibuki, you sure? i can go with you if you want," leon said.
> 
> "nah, i'll be alright. i'm a tough cookie, remember?" she said, winking.

fuyuhiko tutted over kazuichi as he walked them over to the car, sparing a thoughtful glance for leon occasionally. he sat between leon and kazuichi, both because he was smaller and because leon knew he wanted to be as close to his boyfriend as possible. 

the hotel wasn't far, but the car ride was quiet. kazuichi had fallen asleep on fuyuhiko's shoulder, body probably dead tired. leon could relate, his bones felt like lead. he couldn't wait to get home and sleep for days. fuyuhiko moved a lock of hair from kazuichi's eyes, leaning over and pressing a chaste kiss to his forehead.

> "thank you. if it weren't for you, well... they would've been okay, they have you and ibuki, but... thank you for letting me be there for them when i needed to be," said fuyuhiko, glancing at leon.
> 
> "i knew he would've wanted you to be here. i mean, i thought so, anyway, i just happened to be right."
> 
> "don't be modest, if i were you i would've lost my shit. i dunno how you managed to keep it together.

leon couldn't really think of how he had managed it, either. 

> "i used to think you were a cold-hearted person. i'm sorry for ever thinking that."
> 
> "don't mention it. most people do, anyway. comes with the territory, i guess," fuyuhiko replied, somewhat bitterly.
> 
> "why do you let them think like that? who you really are is who you're bein' right now. why don't you tell them that?"

fuyuhiko sighed through his nose, running his fingers through kazuichi's hair.

> "it's easier to have people think you're cold than take advantage of you."
> 
> "yea, i know that from experience, but... is it better? to be feared over being known?"
> 
> "it gets you hurt less. besides, it's enough to be known by just one person. the rest is what it is."

leon believed him. yet, he felt that there was something to be gained from being seen and losing some than hiding and gaining nothing. but he supposed that was something he would manage in the future. he trusted it would come with time, and shut his eyes. he would rest, just for a little while. then, everything would be okay. he was sure of it.


End file.
